Monday, March 11, 2013

Your Real Life With Your Real Family

(exerpt from chap. 3)
Every now and then, when I am feeling down, overwhelmed, unaccomplished, or ignored, deceptive thoughts lurk in my mind: things like, “I should have waited longer to get married,” or “I could have earned my Masters degree and had a thrilling career,” or even “I would have such an easier life if I had decided not to have kids.” This self talk sounds just as sad and detrimental as it really is. It is so easy to convince ourselves that another life choice would have made our ever after so much happier. When we indulge this type of thinking, we are succumbing to pure deception. No one is happy with everything in his or her life all the time. We are not missing out on a secret key to happiness that others discovered long ago. In fact, can you name one person you know that is one hundred percent happy one hundred percent of the time? 

Although we might want to see all the possible ever afters and alternate endings, it is impossible for us to see what doesn’t exist. In reality, there is no “what if.” You already made the choice to get on the ride, get married, and begin a family based on the information and feelings you had at the time. It is easy to see “superior paths” in retrospect, but how do you know those “superior paths” are really any better? Sometimes, we create alternate realities and lifestyles in our minds that are so much more appealing than the one we have. It is like crafting a whole new life in a video game, where your normally slightly heavy body is able to be trim and sexy, your penny-pinching self can live in a mansion, your kids can be educated at the finest schools, and your husband can do everything on your honey-do list. Whether we make up this alternate life in a game or in our minds, it is not real; it is a deception. Look at who you really are and what you really have, then choose to make your real life with your real family really wonderful.
In an effort to make my blog more interactive I have organized weekly blog topics with a weekly challenge to go along with it. We will also be having some guest bloggers.  I would love for you to share your experiences and stories so that we can all gleen from your wisdom.  Please feel free to leave your comments, we love them all! If you are interested I also invite you to contact me at to share a guest blog with us.


  1. So true. Often I catch myself saying, what if. Then I realize it would be awful, smile, and enjoy the rest of my day.

  2. I'm still living in the single world, but I think the principles taught in this exerpt about self-talk and deception are still true. In "singledom" you sometimes project what "could be" with someone you begin dating. You might begin to overanalyze where the relationship will end, or create unrealistic expectations for your future relationship. Many times this can lead to dissapointment when those expectations aren't met, or paralysis instead of moving forward and working together. In another perspective you can acheive the same problems by imagining that married life will "fix" all your "singledom" problems. Or that by remaining single things will be "better." So whether married or single- "look at what you really have, then choose to make your real life..." Love it! Thanks for sharing your wisdom and what you've learned in life! :)

    1. Thank you for your comment Estelle! It is wonderful to get your perspective on this. You are right, life is always going to be difficult wether you are married, single, widowed or divorced, and it is so important that we remember to be happy with what we have. Sometimes we get lost in the "grass is greener on the other side of the hill."

  3. After 35+ years I often think of what may have been. The more I ponder about it the more I come to realize the "Ever After" we have built and continue to build together is wonderful. The focus of us in the here and now and where we are going and can go, well priceless!