Spending Our Time on What's Important

(Excerpt chap. 4)

With one arm holding the phone, I rushed around the kitchen wiping off counters, stacking dishes in the dishwasher, and browning meat for dinner. I was talking with my mom about financial woes, injuries, the deadline for this book, doctor visits, and new school clothes, when she pointed out to me, “When you get to be my age, you look back on your life and realize that so much of what you thought was a big deal, didn’t really matter at all.”

The wisest people in my life are always telling me to take pictures, write down the funny things your kids say, spend more time with your kids, go on dates, have more sex, or take a vacation. No one ever tells me to have a cleaner house, worry more about finances, or buy the kids more new clothes because they know in the end those things are just not a big deal and that they are not what create happily ever afters.

What's There To Complain About

Here it is as promised! Our first guest blog. I'm excited to introduce Lynne Workman Hutchings, mother of five, Grandmother of 15. She is an avid reader, a very talented musician, gifted in numerous ways, a self motivator, and a positive role model. She really is this amazing! Here is what she has to say. . .

I’ve noticed something lately, about people, in general.  We complain.  A lot.  We complain about the government. We complain about health care. We complain about our jobs, or lack thereof.  We complain about our spouses.  We complain about our children.  We complain about the shape of our bodies, we complain about the pain in our bodies. We complain about the food we eat.  We complain about terrorists, we complain about airport security.  We complain about the cost of fuel, really about the cost of everything.  We spend a lot of time complaining.

Years ago, not too long after I got married, my Dad gave me a book.  The first line of this book was:  “Life is difficult.”  Then the author spent the rest of the book explaining about the misconceptions we have of life.  Somehow, someone has indoctrinated us to believe that we shouldn’t have troubles, or challenges, or pain in our lives.  I have not, in my 57 years found that to be the case.  I have learned that working through the challenges and trials and pain in my life has made me what I am.

Admittedly, there have been times in my life that I thought I may never get through.  There have been times of disappointment and pain and I have learned that all this is temporary.  I have also learned a few things that make all the challenges easier.

#1.  Count your blessings

In my experience, concentrating on the great blessings of my life makes my problems seem very minor.  Things as simple as a comfortable bed to sleep in, a warm shower, a laughing baby, a spouse who holds me when I’m sad, or rubs my legs when they hurt, children who call me and still want to visit me.  My blessings far outweigh my challenges.

#2.  Be of service to others

Giving of myself to others is a sure way to take my mind off of me and put it on someone else.  It always makes me count my blessings when I see the challenges of others.

#3.  Decide to be happy and content

Some days are just hard.  Sometimes weeks and months and even years are just hard.  But hard is relative.  I have found that if I decide that my life is fine, my life is fine and I can be content.

#4.  Work hard and continue to work hard

Nothing produces nothing.  And something always produces something.  If I am anxiously engaged in trying to better my life, it always gets better.

Life really is not easy, but life is wonderful!

The Dream of Ever After

(another excerpt from chap. 3)

I can’t count the numerous times I have deceived myself by saying or thinking, “I have given up everything for my spouse and children.” One particularly pathetic day, as I was moping over the hefty sacrifices I had made to have a family, I had an epiphany. In a life changing moment, I realized I didn’t give up everything; I simply made the choice to let one dream go in pursuit of a better dream, a dream I wanted more. That dream was my family. I realized that if I had not had my children, I would have been lonely and longing for children. If I had pursued a master’s degree or my dream career, I would be in major debt, missing my unborn children. I realized that day that I was definitely on the greener side of the mountain. We can’t possibly chase every exciting pathway we find. We have to choose, and I’m guessing that, like me, you chose to pursue the dream of happily ever after. So instead of dwelling on our old and still unfulfilled dreams of sanity, exciting careers, freedom, travel, and so forth, we should work on making our current dream, the dream we chose, sensational.

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 Thank you for the comments last time...they were wonderful! Keep them coming and please continue to share this blog.

Your Real Life With Your Real Family

(exerpt from chap. 3)

           

Every now and then, when I am feeling down, overwhelmed, unaccomplished, or ignored, deceptive thoughts lurk in my mind: things like, “I should have waited longer to get married,” or “I could have earned my Masters degree and had a thrilling career,” or even “I would have such an easier life if I had decided not to have kids.” This self talk sounds just as sad and detrimental as it really is. It is so easy to convince ourselves that another life choice would have made our ever after so much happier. When we indulge this type of thinking, we are succumbing to pure deception. No one is happy with everything in his or her life all the time. We are not missing out on a secret key to happiness that others discovered long ago. In fact, can you name one person you know that is one hundred percent happy one hundred percent of the time? 

Although we might want to see all the possible ever afters and alternate endings, it is impossible for us to see what doesn’t exist. In reality, there is no “what if.” You already made the choice to get on the ride, get married, and begin a family based on the information and feelings you had at the time. It is easy to see “superior paths” in retrospect, but how do you know those “superior paths” are really any better? Sometimes, we create alternate realities and lifestyles in our minds that are so much more appealing than the one we have. It is like crafting a whole new life in a video game, where your normally slightly heavy body is able to be trim and sexy, your penny-pinching self can live in a mansion, your kids can be educated at the finest schools, and your husband can do everything on your honey-do list. Whether we make up this alternate life in a game or in our minds, it is not real; it is a deception. Look at who you really are and what you really have, then choose to make your real life with your real family really wonderful.

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In an effort to make my blog more interactive I have organized weekly blog topics with a weekly challenge to go along with it. We will also be having some guest bloggers.  I would love for you to share your experiences and stories so that we can all gleen from your wisdom.  Please feel free to leave your comments, we love them all! If you are interested I also invite you to contact me at shellbelle.packard9@gmail.com to share a guest blog with us.

Have No Fear Family Ever After Is Here

Good news in the world of Family Ever After! The Proofing is done and the book has gone to print! You can check it or pre-order on-line at Familius.com, at barnes and noble, http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/family-ever-after-michelle-packard/1113831380, or on Amazon, http://www.amazon.com/Family-Ever-After-Extraordinary-Happiness/dp/1938301382. The book comes out April 1. I just wanted to send a shout out to Familius. They are the publishers of Family Ever After and they have been amazing to work with! They are solely motivated to help families be happy. Do yourself, your family, and the rest of the world a favor by checking them out at www.familius.com. or check them out on Facebook or twitter@familiustalk. They are always looking for articles and other great ideas and thoughts to improve the family world wide. If you would like to contact them or submit an idea or article go to familius.com/get-published.

I truly believe "Family Ever After" can achieve the Familius dream to make families happier. It has definitely helped my family and I know it can help yours as well. I know there is a lot of linkage going on her, but I truly believe in the family and I think this is a great way to strengthen families. Help promote Family Ever After and Familius by spreading the word to friends and family!

The End...

     As I anxiously hit the send button, I took a quick inventory of myself. My hair was oily and frazzled, I hadn't put make-up on for days, I was wearing my baggy blue sweat pants and had emptied two bottles of Nutella by the spoonful. I was locked away in the corner of my bedroom ignoring everything around me and was a total disaster.
     When I started writing Family Ever After, I spent hours pouring over books about writing. I was assured that I didn't need to be the crazy cook, with tousled hair, living off of cappuccinos, alone in some remote corner, in order to be a writer. It was a lie. I didn't even know it was happening until the transformation was complete. I became the epitome of a crazy cook author. I debated on taking a picture but some things just shouldn't be recorded. After all, I am trying to sell the book.
     The good news is that Family Ever After has been sent to the publisher for editing. To all you authors out there, kudos. I never imagined it would be so difficult. I truly couldn't have done it without my mom who made a special trip to watch the kids so I could evolve into a crazy and unkempt person alone in my bedroom. A special thanks to James and Jodi for their hours of editing and critical thinking, and to Marquie and Patrick for sticking with me until the end. Thank you to many friends and family who have shared personal stories and have taught me what happily ever after really means, and thank you to my kids for their patience and love. Extra gratitude to my husband for giving me his time when he had none to give. I have enjoyed the journey.

Christmas Concludes

After our last holiday house guest departed my husband and I agreed that the holidays had truly concluded and that we had better get back reality. There were to be no more cheesy high calorie dips, pajama days, chocolaty nuts, hours of Just Dance, and late night card games. It was a sad moment for me as I recalled a recent interaction with a friend while shopping the Christmas clearance sales. As she spoke, she admitted she was not prepared to return back to her job as a school teacher. I sighed in agreement, saying that I was not yet ready for my kids to go back to school. Taken by surprise she said, “You’re a mother; you should be ready for your kids to go back to school.” I laughed, as I am usually overly eager to usher my kids off to school and let their teachers listen to their whining, but this time it was different.


I found solace having family sleepovers in the living room, painting nails with my girls, playing bey blades with the boys, attending extended family get togethers with silly white elephant games, shopping with my sisters, singing with the family, and sharing gifts of love. I realized I had so much fun, because I made my family my focus—as our patient house guests noticed. They really did notice my utter lack of attention to the surmounting laundry pile, and slightly cluttered living space, but it did not deter my resolve to enjoy the people I was with. The holidays were wonderful this year because I gave my time to the people I love the most and they shared their time with me.

Tomorrow as my kids go back to school, my husband returns to work, our good friends settle back into their cozy Texas home, and my sister flies home to her oasis in Florida, I will enjoy scrubbing the candy off the floors, finding lost pieces to the many games floating around my house, packing away Christmas decorations and finding homes for our Christmas treasures. I will enjoy it because every second of it will be a reminder of the wonderful memories I made with friends and family.