Parents: For they Know Misery!

I am ashamed! Truly ashamed at my lack of posts. Okay, maybe "lack of" is giving me too much credit. Non existent posts. I have a great reason for it. At least I think it's a great reason. Let me introduce you to Isabelle Shine Packard, now 4 months old.

Dang she is cute, and takes my breath as well as my sleep!

There I was with my brand new perfect little baby at something like 2:30am. Feeding session. You know how that goes. Exhausted to the point of tears, my butt aching from delivery, and my boobs killing me. It was practically my finest moment. I didn't want to fall asleep because even with baby number five, when I doze while nursing I wake up in a panic. (Where's the baby? Did I smother her? Did I drop her?) This newborn thing is total insanity on all levels.  So anyway, I bust out the scriptures and open up to a section on the creation. The irony.

This is what I read, in reference to Adam and Eve in the Garden and the fall.  "And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin." (2 Nephi 2:23)

Oh I laughed. Just in case you missed my humor, I will repeat. "And they would have no children...having no joy, for they knew no misery." Interpretation: Having children is commensurate to knowing misery.  Seriously, I was laughing as I fed my baby in my total misery!

Having kids is hard. Physically, emotionally, spiritually and any other word you could reasonably ad "ly" to! But, I have found that, "this to shall pass." There have been equally beautiful moments with Isabelle as she peacefully sleeps on my chest or smiles that smile that makes me say ridiculous things in the squeakiest of mama voices. I make noises that no one should make just for the hope of seeing her eyes burst with innocent trust and sparkle with playful satisfaction. It's now a new game at our house to put dialogue to her coo's, squints, and smiles, and it truly does bring joy.

Already she is 4 months old! Three months! "And this too shall pass" I'm thinking way too fast...until maybe she is screaming at 3 in the morning. In which case I'll be thinking, it can't pass fast enough! But then again, "that too shall pass."

Because of Him

Families. Simply said they are struggling. Sickness, disability, bitterness, loneliness, abuse, neglect, poverty, divorce, despair, discouragement, tragedy and fatigue from every day life can often create a sense of hopelessness and a void of happiness. We can write and discuss solutions to these problems forever and still these things will exist. Every family no matter what it's current state struggles at times. There is hope. There is hope for all of us and our families and it is found in our Savior, Jesus Christ. This Easter enjoy this video, Because of Him and let it inspire hope and peace for you and your family.

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Rice Krispie Easter eggs

I thought you might also enjoy a sweet Easter activity:

I made these with my girls and it was a hit! Feel free to use your favorite rice crispy recipe but just in case you don't have one you can use mine. (I've been told that if your rice crispy treats are too runny they will not mold as well). The recipe below worked perfectly.

What you need:

• Large and or small plastic easter eggs
• 1package jelly beans or chocolate easter eggs
• 1 10.5 oz pkg. mini marshmallows
• 1/2 cube butter (4 Tbsp)
• 6 C. Rice Krispies 
• Cooking Spray

Melt butter in a large sauce pan over medium heat. Add marshmallows, stir continuously until melted. Remove from heat, add Rice Krispies, and stir until mixed.

Open your plastic easter eggs and coat the inside with cooking spray.

Take a chunk of your rice crispy mix and mold it into a half circle. Set a jelly bean or chocolate easter egg in the center and then put another chunk of rice crispy mix on the top. Push it inside your easter egg mold. Close the egg and let it cool. Repeat until all your eggs are full or your rice crispys are gone.

Once cooled open the plastic egg and pull out your sweet treat. Now its time to decorate. We just rolled ours in sprinkles, but you could go crazy with melted chocolate or other fun candies. 

Happy Easter!

Introducing Stressed Out!

Working cover...Look closely, my name is there.

Dr. B. on channel 5 News

Dr. Ben Bernstein

I am so excited to introduce Stressed Out! For Parents: How to be Calm, Confident, and Focused. This is the title and cover of my new book. It is going to be released this Fall (2014)! I have been working along side Dr. Ben Bernstein, author of A Teens Guide to Success, and Test Success, Doctor of Psychology and well known performance coach. He has worked with children and parents for over  forty years. Together Ben and I have compiled all of his greatest stress relieving techniques in an effort to relieve parental stress and improve happiness and satisfaction in family life.

The idea is that every person has an optimal window of stress where they
perform at their best. Too much stress and you will not perform well. Too little stress and you will
also not perform well--As a parent I've never had the problem of too little stress but I suppose it could happen. When we as parents are calm in body, confident in mind, and focused in spirit, we will find that optimal window of success that Dr. Bernstein teaches us about.

What is my role in this fantastic book? I write the stories, I re-write the model from a parenting perspective, and I consult with Dr. Bernstein weekly and sometimes daily to make sure the model is presented at it's best. The neatest part is that I get to live and practice the model with my own family while Dr. B coaches me on how I can improve, what I'm doing well, and what I can change. Basically it's free therapy. My husband has used it. My daughter Ella has used used it (There is a section in the book on teaching some of the models of success to your children). And I have used it. It works! And that is why I am so excited to share this book with you!

The New Language of Love...Is it Working?

I'd like to re-introduce my husband Bryce. He is wonderful and always full of opinions! He has been kind enough to share with us how he feels about technology, communication, and family.
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I just got back from a Scout awards ceremony where a neighbor of hours received his Eagle rank. Eagle is the highest rank a scout can earn and takes years to accomplish. When I was a boy, I also participated in Boy Scouts and found myself enjoying the leadership around me, the training I received, the years of camping, fishing, and hiking, and most especially, the friendships I made along the way. I also earned the Eagle Scout rank and received letters of recognition from Reagan  Nixon, George W. Bush Sr., and Bill Clinton, along with many other commendations and a photo in the Denver Post. I looked at this boy and wondered, "What will he do with this achievement?"

Over the past few weeks I have been interviewing candidates for a couple electrical positions in our company and have recognized a trend with the younger society. Almost every young person had a social disorder; some not so severe as others, but still relevant as evidenced by the awkward moments throughout the conversations we had. I had no issues with the 'older' generations but those around 27 and younger where really having a hard time. Why?!

Then it hit me, I was witnessing a generation of people who have lost the art of body language. This is where I impress or frustrate my wife with my simple solutions; and here it is, the rise in technology has given a way for our younger generation to communicate in ways not requiring body language. Texting, email, SMS, twitter, cell phones, even web chats, and video game chats are the backbone of their social platform. These languages have replaced body language with smiley faces, hash tags, bold/capitol letters, etc. Wouldn't that create such a catastrophic dinner scenario where we have forgotten how to show--I love it but not enough to eat it again without a smiley/blah face. :P Instead we have children plugged into their iPods  never making eye contact, and parents wondering what to make of it. Stepping into ourselves, are we affected by it? What are the signs? How would we know if we were socially handicapped in body language and is it bad?

I believe a good way to know is by asking, "How would it be if we were socially advanced in body language?" Wouldn't we stand, attentive, with eyes and ears open to the instructions of our parents or advice of our spouse because we understood the importance of communicating respect, interest, and love? Would we kneel before our children and hold their hands as they expressed their heartaches, showing love and compassion? How would we feel if our boss sat by our side and spoke next to us, not at us, to explain the poor actions we had prior. We would know when our spouses were upset with us and when they were proud of us. We would know so much more about ourselves.

Let the Eagle Scout in all of us fly high this week. Put our technology down and allow ourselves to be immersed in the touch, sound, and flight of family life. Play a song on a real musical instrument, play a board game with your kids, hold your spouses hand and walk around the block or in the mall. Do what I like to do with my wife and try to interpret other couples lives in the mall and make up their scenario in real time. We may find that we are wanted and loved, or that some one wants our arms around them. We may find our every-day words sting ears or our distracted glances reduce trust from our partners. In any case, we will become more than we were before and will increase in love, understanding, and power to make a change in our lives.

Parenting is So Rewarding!

I won a special parenting award this week! Very unique! Let me give you some back ground before I reveal my exciting news. So my daughter and I are talking in the car. She needed something...and I had forgotten. That very same day my brain escaped me and I took my kindergartener to school 20 minutes late. Why? Because for some reason I thought school started twenty minutes later. It would appear--as her report card just came home to show her tardies--that this was not a one time deal. During this week I also forgot to blog, forgot to make important phone calls, and forgot things at the store. I was pretty sick, and I must consider this a blessing because I may never have won this award. Who are we kidding...I still would have won it.

 I know your dying to know. Wait for it... I won the "you are special for forgetting everything reward" bestowed upon me by my ten year old daughter. And for the record, my daughter wasn't kidding. She was very sincere...maybe too sincere. The award was followed by a well thought out speech that went something like this. "Mom, everyone else I know especially Dad remembers things. But you Mom, you forget everything! You're the only one who does that. That's special." I hate to gloat, but how can I not?! It's not everyday you win an award like that. At least I don't ever remember winning an award like that...hmm.

Sometimes life as a parent is...well just so rewarding!

People Were Made to be Loved!

Brain Tumors, Crohns Disease, un-employent, Cystic Fibrosis, Bed rest pregnancy, epilepsy, death of a child, surgeries and serious depression. These are all of the struggles of many wonderful families around me. Families that I love. Families that I want to be happy.
I have been sick with a bad cold and been totally miserable for a few days. Yesterday my friend brought my family dinner, today she took my kids to school, and brought me dinner again. "I'm not dying," I tried to tell her, but she wouldn't hear it. She took such good care of my family and me and I felt so loved. My children felt special and my husband was sooo happy not to have to worry about dinner or dishes.

I have a point here.

All of our lives are bursting with some hardship or another. I once heard a speaker suggest that everyone struggles with three basic things: Health, Finances, or Relationships, and I agree. I would not consider a bad cold a symptom of a bursting life but my friend did. Her thoughtful care of me made me think about all of those people listed above who are currently struggling with painful life changing events. It has led me to ponder what I have done for them to ease their burden and gladden their lives, their families and their homes. What have I done for them to feel loved, supported and well taken care of?

When we are born we are surrounded by people: nurses, doctors, students, parents, and grandparents. I believe their is a reason for this. We need each other. Life is hard! Major understatement! Are we not all part of one big family? We are! I love the quote, "People were made to be loved and things were made to be used." It's amazing how often we confuse the two. We need to branch outside of our small families to bless the larger family around us. Life is one giant opportunity to help lift one another in our trials. So this week, myself included, lets make an effort to really help and love our neighbors, friends, family or co-workers in a meaningful way.

The Right Kind of Argument

I found this picture on line and it almost made me cry. You can feel the love, the turmoil, and the hope. In every relationship their are Arguments, their are hurt feelings and hard decisions to be made. Christopher Robbin founder of Familius posted this quote concerning arguments in relationships... I attended a conference last week where the speaker said, "You can either win the argument or you can have the relationship. You can't have both." Too many family relationships are damaged or broken because someone had to be right. The speaker ended by quoting the poet Rumi: "Out beyond the fields of right doing or wrong doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." By Christopher Robbins, Familius CEO and Pater Familius

Experience has shown me that conflict usually inspires more conflict and love usually inspires more love. When someone attacks you, is angry with you, or expects change in you that you don’t desire, the first and most natural response is defensiveness. We build trenches and arm our fortress with the most profound and scarring weapons. We bring blame, sarcasm, and venom. We put up walls so that no thoughtless word can penetrate us, and then we begin our counterattack.

When we attempt to resolve conflict, it is important to remember the desired end product. It seems obvious that our desire should be to resolve the conflict, but sometimes we get caught up in an obsessive need to be right using whatever means necessary to win, which only intensifies the very conflict we wish to resolve (Arbinger, 2006).

An excerpt from Family Ever After by Michelle Packard.

The right kind of argument is not the one that ends with us being right. It is the argument that makes us better today than yesterday, is the one that combines love, hope, and patience to solve the issues.