Charity Suffereth Long...

I readily admit that sometimes life gets me down. It's not like a ,"my life is over," sort of thing or a "I don't love my family." Mostly it's an empty worn out feeling. The kind that comes when you haven't slept more than 3-4 hours straight for a year. It's the exhaustion that hits when you try to go on with the same life, pretending like the sleep deprivation doesn't affect you and the emptiness never becomes discouraging. The kind where you try not to yell, try to listen to your kids, try to block out the whining before you lose your mind, or try to have an intimate moment with your spouse before you're both snoring. It's hard in those moments, and I tend to feel like a failure on one level or another.

How does one keep going like this? How do you love? How do you succeed and find real happiness in your families?  I learned something recently about Charity that really made me think and really gave me hope.

"...for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail-." ( Moroni 7:46 Book of Mormon) Satan is powerful. Life for everyone is hard. Maybe it's not an infant keeping you awake, but we all have trials. We all get discouraged in our homes and with our families, and failure is a given...unless we have charity.

Here is our promise from God. He clearly says,"ALL things must fail,"  But "Charity NEVER faileth." If you want a marriage that lasts, relationships with your children that mean something, true happiness in our imperfect families and relationships, charity is the way. The only way. "Charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever;" (Moroni 7:47) When everything else ends, these relationships will endure forever if they are built on and with Charity, because once again, "Charity never faileth."

"And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easlily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." (Moroni 7:45)

Yes, this is great but I'm tired! A person would need energy to do and be all these amazing things. So what can I do?

"Wherefore, my beloved bretheren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love..." (Moroni 7:48)

Maybe, just maybe if I have enough faith, and pray with all my energy (however much that may be), God can help the baby sleep through the night, or give me the added measure of patience to be kind despite my fatigue. Could He possibly help me to ease the worries and negative thoughts that run through my head while my husband is snoring? Will he give me the ability to bear the next hormonal, emotional, or defiant act from one of my lovely children? I hope, I hope for all these things, for these things fill the empty and and bring peace. It even makes the fierce fatigue, not so fierce. Tonight I pray for this Charity, for such a love as this. I pray for that which endureth forever. For though I might fail, Charity never will.

*All References can be found in The Book of Mormon

Parents: For they Know Misery!

I am ashamed! Truly ashamed at my lack of posts. Okay, maybe "lack of" is giving me too much credit. Non existent posts. I have a great reason for it. At least I think it's a great reason. Let me introduce you to Isabelle Shine Packard, now 4 months old.

Dang she is cute, and takes my breath as well as my sleep!

There I was with my brand new perfect little baby at something like 2:30am. Feeding session. You know how that goes. Exhausted to the point of tears, my butt aching from delivery, and my boobs killing me. It was practically my finest moment. I didn't want to fall asleep because even with baby number five, when I doze while nursing I wake up in a panic. (Where's the baby? Did I smother her? Did I drop her?) This newborn thing is total insanity on all levels.  So anyway, I bust out the scriptures and open up to a section on the creation. The irony.

This is what I read, in reference to Adam and Eve in the Garden and the fall.  "And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin." (2 Nephi 2:23)

Oh I laughed. Just in case you missed my humor, I will repeat. "And they would have no children...having no joy, for they knew no misery." Interpretation: Having children is commensurate to knowing misery.  Seriously, I was laughing as I fed my baby in my total misery!

Having kids is hard. Physically, emotionally, spiritually and any other word you could reasonably ad "ly" to! But, I have found that, "this to shall pass." There have been equally beautiful moments with Isabelle as she peacefully sleeps on my chest or smiles that smile that makes me say ridiculous things in the squeakiest of mama voices. I make noises that no one should make just for the hope of seeing her eyes burst with innocent trust and sparkle with playful satisfaction. It's now a new game at our house to put dialogue to her coo's, squints, and smiles, and it truly does bring joy.

Already she is 4 months old! Three months! "And this too shall pass" I'm thinking way too fast...until maybe she is screaming at 3 in the morning. In which case I'll be thinking, it can't pass fast enough! But then again, "that too shall pass."