The Right Kind of Argument

I found this picture on line and it almost made me cry. You can feel the love, the turmoil, and the hope. In every relationship their are Arguments, their are hurt feelings and hard decisions to be made. Christopher Robbin founder of Familius posted this quote concerning arguments in relationships... I attended a conference last week where the speaker said, "You can either win the argument or you can have the relationship. You can't have both." Too many family relationships are damaged or broken because someone had to be right. The speaker ended by quoting the poet Rumi: "Out beyond the fields of right doing or wrong doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." By Christopher Robbins, Familius CEO and Pater Familius

Experience has shown me that conflict usually inspires more conflict and love usually inspires more love. When someone attacks you, is angry with you, or expects change in you that you don’t desire, the first and most natural response is defensiveness. We build trenches and arm our fortress with the most profound and scarring weapons. We bring blame, sarcasm, and venom. We put up walls so that no thoughtless word can penetrate us, and then we begin our counterattack.

When we attempt to resolve conflict, it is important to remember the desired end product. It seems obvious that our desire should be to resolve the conflict, but sometimes we get caught up in an obsessive need to be right using whatever means necessary to win, which only intensifies the very conflict we wish to resolve (Arbinger, 2006).

An excerpt from Family Ever After by Michelle Packard.

The right kind of argument is not the one that ends with us being right. It is the argument that makes us better today than yesterday, is the one that combines love, hope, and patience to solve the issues. 

DIY:Valentines Bouquet

If you are in need of a last minute valentine for your valentine, check out this DIY Valentines bouquet I put together for the Familius website. It has simple step by step instructions. You will have fun making it and your recipient will love it! DIY Valentines Bouquet

Happy Valentines!

Leave judgement at the door this Valentines

This is a hotel in Mexico, but you wouldn't know
that until you opened the door.

Sheets on the windows, excessive cars in the drive way, dirty dishes on the counter, and toys all over the floor. This was my first glimpse to one of the homes of my son's friend. He was invited to his birthday party and naturally I wanted to meet the parents before leaving him. As I knocked on the door I was already formulating questionable ideas about this family.

As I stepped in the house I was greeted by a warm friendly smile and within 30 seconds all my unfair judgements had melted away. I saw the family picture over the fireplace (and it was a large family), I heard lots of joyful laughter, and my son was immediately embraced by the many children.

Thirty more seconds and I was wishing they would invite me to stay just so I could learn more about them. I wanted to hear their stories and listen to them laugh. They seemed to have all their priorities in place. They were a happy loving family. Maybe they didn't have money for curtains or maybe they just didn't want curtains. There was a time when sheets covered my windows too. Maybe they were playing with their kids instead of doing the dishes. I would much rather do that to. Lots of cars for lots of people. It just makes sense.

The moral to my story. I loved this family before I ever knew them, but I wouldn't have known that without leaving my judgements at the door. Just like people, families have their strengths and their weakness, their trials and joys, their sadness and hope. This Valentines be better today than yesterday by leaving your judgement at the door. Love people. Love who they are. Love them for their talents. Love them for their kindness. Just love them. Every family and every person hopes that people will be willing to look beyond the view from the front door. When I was in college my apartment was definitely not a looker from the outside. There was no masking it's ugliness. We simply hung a sign on the door that said, "It's not what's on the outside but what's on the inside that counts."

Don't we all hope that people will find the good in us and forget about the bad. Don't we hope people will look into our hearts. Let's give to others this Valentines what we hope to have. Happy Valentines!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Check out these links to read some of my published valentines articles for Familius. The Perfect Criticism, What is Love? DIY: Valentines Boquet,

Who Do You Love?

Be better today than yesterday by showing appreciation to those in your life whose presence and absence mean something to you. (Author of quote unknown)