The New Language of Love...Is it Working?

I'd like to re-introduce my husband Bryce. He is wonderful and always full of opinions! He has been kind enough to share with us how he feels about technology, communication, and family.
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I just got back from a Scout awards ceremony where a neighbor of hours received his Eagle rank. Eagle is the highest rank a scout can earn and takes years to accomplish. When I was a boy, I also participated in Boy Scouts and found myself enjoying the leadership around me, the training I received, the years of camping, fishing, and hiking, and most especially, the friendships I made along the way. I also earned the Eagle Scout rank and received letters of recognition from Reagan  Nixon, George W. Bush Sr., and Bill Clinton, along with many other commendations and a photo in the Denver Post. I looked at this boy and wondered, "What will he do with this achievement?"

Over the past few weeks I have been interviewing candidates for a couple electrical positions in our company and have recognized a trend with the younger society. Almost every young person had a social disorder; some not so severe as others, but still relevant as evidenced by the awkward moments throughout the conversations we had. I had no issues with the 'older' generations but those around 27 and younger where really having a hard time. Why?!

Then it hit me, I was witnessing a generation of people who have lost the art of body language. This is where I impress or frustrate my wife with my simple solutions; and here it is, the rise in technology has given a way for our younger generation to communicate in ways not requiring body language. Texting, email, SMS, twitter, cell phones, even web chats, and video game chats are the backbone of their social platform. These languages have replaced body language with smiley faces, hash tags, bold/capitol letters, etc. Wouldn't that create such a catastrophic dinner scenario where we have forgotten how to show--I love it but not enough to eat it again without a smiley/blah face. :P Instead we have children plugged into their iPods  never making eye contact, and parents wondering what to make of it. Stepping into ourselves, are we affected by it? What are the signs? How would we know if we were socially handicapped in body language and is it bad?

I believe a good way to know is by asking, "How would it be if we were socially advanced in body language?" Wouldn't we stand, attentive, with eyes and ears open to the instructions of our parents or advice of our spouse because we understood the importance of communicating respect, interest, and love? Would we kneel before our children and hold their hands as they expressed their heartaches, showing love and compassion? How would we feel if our boss sat by our side and spoke next to us, not at us, to explain the poor actions we had prior. We would know when our spouses were upset with us and when they were proud of us. We would know so much more about ourselves.

Let the Eagle Scout in all of us fly high this week. Put our technology down and allow ourselves to be immersed in the touch, sound, and flight of family life. Play a song on a real musical instrument, play a board game with your kids, hold your spouses hand and walk around the block or in the mall. Do what I like to do with my wife and try to interpret other couples lives in the mall and make up their scenario in real time. We may find that we are wanted and loved, or that some one wants our arms around them. We may find our every-day words sting ears or our distracted glances reduce trust from our partners. In any case, we will become more than we were before and will increase in love, understanding, and power to make a change in our lives.

Parenting is So Rewarding!

I won a special parenting award this week! Very unique! Let me give you some back ground before I reveal my exciting news. So my daughter and I are talking in the car. She needed something...and I had forgotten. That very same day my brain escaped me and I took my kindergartener to school 20 minutes late. Why? Because for some reason I thought school started twenty minutes later. It would appear--as her report card just came home to show her tardies--that this was not a one time deal. During this week I also forgot to blog, forgot to make important phone calls, and forgot things at the store. I was pretty sick, and I must consider this a blessing because I may never have won this award. Who are we kidding...I still would have won it.

 I know your dying to know. Wait for it... I won the "you are special for forgetting everything reward" bestowed upon me by my ten year old daughter. And for the record, my daughter wasn't kidding. She was very sincere...maybe too sincere. The award was followed by a well thought out speech that went something like this. "Mom, everyone else I know especially Dad remembers things. But you Mom, you forget everything! You're the only one who does that. That's special." I hate to gloat, but how can I not?! It's not everyday you win an award like that. At least I don't ever remember winning an award like that...hmm.

Sometimes life as a parent is...well just so rewarding!

People Were Made to be Loved!

Brain Tumors, Crohns Disease, un-employent, Cystic Fibrosis, Bed rest pregnancy, epilepsy, death of a child, surgeries and serious depression. These are all of the struggles of many wonderful families around me. Families that I love. Families that I want to be happy.
I have been sick with a bad cold and been totally miserable for a few days. Yesterday my friend brought my family dinner, today she took my kids to school, and brought me dinner again. "I'm not dying," I tried to tell her, but she wouldn't hear it. She took such good care of my family and me and I felt so loved. My children felt special and my husband was sooo happy not to have to worry about dinner or dishes.

I have a point here.

All of our lives are bursting with some hardship or another. I once heard a speaker suggest that everyone struggles with three basic things: Health, Finances, or Relationships, and I agree. I would not consider a bad cold a symptom of a bursting life but my friend did. Her thoughtful care of me made me think about all of those people listed above who are currently struggling with painful life changing events. It has led me to ponder what I have done for them to ease their burden and gladden their lives, their families and their homes. What have I done for them to feel loved, supported and well taken care of?

When we are born we are surrounded by people: nurses, doctors, students, parents, and grandparents. I believe their is a reason for this. We need each other. Life is hard! Major understatement! Are we not all part of one big family? We are! I love the quote, "People were made to be loved and things were made to be used." It's amazing how often we confuse the two. We need to branch outside of our small families to bless the larger family around us. Life is one giant opportunity to help lift one another in our trials. So this week, myself included, lets make an effort to really help and love our neighbors, friends, family or co-workers in a meaningful way.

The Right Kind of Argument

I found this picture on line and it almost made me cry. You can feel the love, the turmoil, and the hope. In every relationship their are Arguments, their are hurt feelings and hard decisions to be made. Christopher Robbin founder of Familius posted this quote concerning arguments in relationships... I attended a conference last week where the speaker said, "You can either win the argument or you can have the relationship. You can't have both." Too many family relationships are damaged or broken because someone had to be right. The speaker ended by quoting the poet Rumi: "Out beyond the fields of right doing or wrong doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." By Christopher Robbins, Familius CEO and Pater Familius

Experience has shown me that conflict usually inspires more conflict and love usually inspires more love. When someone attacks you, is angry with you, or expects change in you that you don’t desire, the first and most natural response is defensiveness. We build trenches and arm our fortress with the most profound and scarring weapons. We bring blame, sarcasm, and venom. We put up walls so that no thoughtless word can penetrate us, and then we begin our counterattack.

When we attempt to resolve conflict, it is important to remember the desired end product. It seems obvious that our desire should be to resolve the conflict, but sometimes we get caught up in an obsessive need to be right using whatever means necessary to win, which only intensifies the very conflict we wish to resolve (Arbinger, 2006).

An excerpt from Family Ever After by Michelle Packard.

The right kind of argument is not the one that ends with us being right. It is the argument that makes us better today than yesterday, is the one that combines love, hope, and patience to solve the issues. 

DIY:Valentines Bouquet

If you are in need of a last minute valentine for your valentine, check out this DIY Valentines bouquet I put together for the Familius website. It has simple step by step instructions. You will have fun making it and your recipient will love it! DIY Valentines Bouquet

Happy Valentines!

Leave judgement at the door this Valentines

This is a hotel in Mexico, but you wouldn't know
that until you opened the door.

Sheets on the windows, excessive cars in the drive way, dirty dishes on the counter, and toys all over the floor. This was my first glimpse to one of the homes of my son's friend. He was invited to his birthday party and naturally I wanted to meet the parents before leaving him. As I knocked on the door I was already formulating questionable ideas about this family.

As I stepped in the house I was greeted by a warm friendly smile and within 30 seconds all my unfair judgements had melted away. I saw the family picture over the fireplace (and it was a large family), I heard lots of joyful laughter, and my son was immediately embraced by the many children.

Thirty more seconds and I was wishing they would invite me to stay just so I could learn more about them. I wanted to hear their stories and listen to them laugh. They seemed to have all their priorities in place. They were a happy loving family. Maybe they didn't have money for curtains or maybe they just didn't want curtains. There was a time when sheets covered my windows too. Maybe they were playing with their kids instead of doing the dishes. I would much rather do that to. Lots of cars for lots of people. It just makes sense.

The moral to my story. I loved this family before I ever knew them, but I wouldn't have known that without leaving my judgements at the door. Just like people, families have their strengths and their weakness, their trials and joys, their sadness and hope. This Valentines be better today than yesterday by leaving your judgement at the door. Love people. Love who they are. Love them for their talents. Love them for their kindness. Just love them. Every family and every person hopes that people will be willing to look beyond the view from the front door. When I was in college my apartment was definitely not a looker from the outside. There was no masking it's ugliness. We simply hung a sign on the door that said, "It's not what's on the outside but what's on the inside that counts."

Don't we all hope that people will find the good in us and forget about the bad. Don't we hope people will look into our hearts. Let's give to others this Valentines what we hope to have. Happy Valentines!
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Check out these links to read some of my published valentines articles for Familius. The Perfect Criticism, What is Love? DIY: Valentines Boquet,

Who Do You Love?

Be better today than yesterday by showing appreciation to those in your life whose presence and absence mean something to you. (Author of quote unknown)